E Komo Mai in Hawaiian is a common phrase of welcome, and a pineapple is a symbol of hospitality. I’ve been thinking a lot about hospitality recently.

After the isolation of the pandemic, we’ve had several trips off-island and several sets of visitors here on-island. Our most recent set of visitors was one of my husband’s former co-workers and his wife. We had the most wonderful week reconnecting and catching up with these dear friends.

In the midst of our visit I began thinking about the differences between “hospitality” and “entertaining.” A few things came to mind.

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Hospitality leads to real connections. Before our friends visited we cleaned house, planned out some foods and meals we could serve, and came up with a list of sightseeing plans.

The first day they were here, our side of the island lived up to its name of “the rainy side.” So we just invited them to come spend the day at our home. We talked and talked and talked!

After a few hours, we pulled one of the meals we had prepared out of the freezer - stir-fry chicken veggie noodles - a meal we often eat and one of my husband's specialties. He fried it up and was so disappointed in how it turned out. It wasn’t at all like he usually makes it.

But you know what? It didn’t matter. It wasn’t the meal, or the lack of a dining room, or our clothes, or the fact that we were out of napkins and had to use paper towels that any of us will remember. It was the real connection happening throughout the day. The conversation included both listening and learning about each other and sharing honestly from the heart. We not only began catching up, but we picked up where we had left off. We laughed a lot and had a few teary-eyed moments. It was the perfect start to the week.

Hospitality is also comfortable. Have you ever been to a dinner party where you weren’t sure about the expectations? Would you even like the food? Will you know which fork to use? Are you supposed to remove your shoes or not? Special entertaining can be so fun, but it can also be uncomfortable.

Making people feel comfortable and at ease is the goal of hospitality. Years ago, my father took me to England with him. I had dreamt of going to England for years and years. We stayed with several different families. The day we arrived, Sue, our first hostess, had prepared a lovely tea time in the garden. It was like a fairytale. Afterwards, we took a walk, I got stung in the cheek by a bee, we unpacked and jet-lag began settling in. Sue prepared a lovely dinner for us, but my head was so heavy I could barely think. After the plates were cleared, we were offered coffee or tea, and as the conversation continued, I was aching for a hot bath. So I eventually excused myself. Our hosts looked a little surprised, but I was too tired to figure it out.

After my soak, I was a bit refreshed and awakened and went back downstairs. Everyone was still at the table and Sue kindly offered dessert. It wasn’t until later that I realized that as an American, I had assumed the clearing of dishes and casual conversation meant the meal was over. But in Europe, meals are prolonged over conversation and I had excused myself before the meal was over!

As I think back to that in embarrassment, I also warmly remember how much Sue wanted me to feel comfortable. My comfort and needs were more important to her than was the custom or even her preparations. That was hospitality.

Hospitality isn’t just a meal or a party. It’s the way we welcome people into our lives and put others first. Currently, we have 2 of my husband's sisters visiting. It’s fun to listen to the reminiscing and in the midst of that we talked about their mom’s gift of hospitality. I reminded them of how she took me in for the summer after I broke my collar bone. She nursed me and let me live with them for 3 months or so. That led to a discussion about their dad and they began counting how many people their father had brought home to stay at their house. Right off they counted at least 15, noting in the past they had counted close to 50, including a family of 11 their father had met in a park!!

My father-in-law was the epitome of kindness, self-sacrifice and graciousness. But I had never heard this account of how many people their family had accommodated into their home and their lives, setting aside their own needs to serve the needs of others - myself included!

Hospitality is joyful and gracious. It’s comfortable for those receiving it, and self-sacrificing for those giving it. That’s what this art piece is all about - celebrating with colors and shapes and symbols, the heart of “E Komo Mai.”