The weeks leading up to Easter always bring this 2009 painting to mind. Partly because it’s a cross, but even more because I painted it in the weeks leading up to Easter. Painting this large piece (5 feet by 3 feet) many years ago, was a unique experience.

Are there things in your life you just can’t control? Things you try to work around, but just can’t get away from? Do you ever wonder if you are truly loved?

- the rest of the story -

I was 8 years into my journey with chronic illness and so far treatments had only made me worse. I had lost so much in those 8 years. I lost my job as well as my ability to write or speak at retreats and conferences. I couldn’t garden or play tennis anymore. I’d even lost all the ways I loved serving people, and I could no longer attend church. I couldn’t control the decline and my heart was heavy.

I felt lonely and useless - like I had been shelved. Grief overwhelmed my heart.

The church I was a part of was looking for artists to paint artwork to display on Easter. I volunteered. It felt good to find something I could do to give to my church to enhance Easter for all of the people I loved. Little did I realize it would enhance Easter for me forever more.

As I look back at the scene of this life changing moment, I can see myself sitting on the floor one evening in the midst of painting this huge canvas. I am home alone, so my music plays loudly. I have tears on my cheeks from the pain and exhaustion. I see myself fighting to finish the painting in time, pushing to keep working.

I see a determined look on my face, willing to sacrifice my needs no matter the physical cost. I want to serve God and I want to serve those who will attend church in a couple weeks.

A song begins to play and it catches my attention. I pause for a moment to listen. It’s a song I know well, but with every phrase, it takes on a deeper significance than ever before.

“What can take a dying man, and raise him up to life again?”

I wasn’t dying physically, but my grief and losses left me feeling dead inside. What about you? For many people, myself included, a lack of feeling loved can lead to a secondary emotion of anger. Anger kills us from the inside out.

“What can heal the wounded soul? What can make us white as snow?”

My soul was wounded. It had nothing to do with my current health struggles. Childhood trauma had left me wounded and feeling unimportant and dirty. How about you? The idea of being as clean as newly fallen snow brought fresh tears to my eyes.

“What can fill the emptiness?”

Becoming housebound is empty and lonely. Are you? Living in fear is lonely. Living with anxiety is lonely. Living with mental illness, or a spouse with mental illness is lonely. Losing your spouse is lonely. Living without your hearts desire, like owning your own home, getting married, having children, successfully earning an education degree… and any number of other things we long for can leave life feeling empty. Do you have emptiness that needs filling?

“What can mend our brokenness?”

As I sit here on the floor painting, my mind wanders all around the 47 years of my life and I realize how broken I really am. Are you?

Then the chorus begins…

“Mighty, awesome, wonderful

Is the Holy cross

Where the Lamb lay down His life

To lift us from the fall

Mighty is the power of the cross”

…and then it hits me! Not only do I have hope of life again, a soul white as snow, fulfillment, and wholeness because of the cross, but I am, right at this moment, experiencing something that makes the power of the cross explode inside my head and my heart. The tears come in earnest now, and I must work hard to keep the tears off of the canvas so it doesn’t smear the painting. I play this song over and over, taking in the deep meaning, as I continue working.

What is it that I experienced? I realized that as I worked through the pain and exhaustion to complete this painting so that Easter morning for others might be even more meaningful, I was experiencing a tiny taste of the love Jesus showed for me on the cross. The whole picture of Jesus’ journey to the cross, His immense physical suffering, his deep anguish and humiliation, and his commitment to my needs suddenly became very real to me. It took my breath away.

Every time I look back at this memory I am filled with thankfulness because of what Jesus did for me and I feel so loved, no matter what is happening around me.

Do you need this love? When you think of Jesus and the cross does it fill you with thankfulness? If you don’t have this yet, all you have to do is tell Him thank you for dying on the cross for you and that you would like to know and accept his love. If you decide to do this today, send a message to someone to tell them you spoke with him (prayed). If someone shared this story with you that would be a great person to tell. Or if you don’t know who else to tell, you can message me through the Art Lifting Hearts website.

If you know you have needs, but you still have questions about Jesus, talk to your friend who sent you to this story. Or send me a message with your questions and I’ll see if I can connect you to someone who can answer them for you.

If you do know Jesus, and personally know this love I’ve talked about, I’m sure there is someone around you who is feeling hopeless and needs to be loved in the midst of their struggles. I hope you’ll consider forwarding this story to them.

Lyrics from “Mighty Is the Power of the Cross” by Chris Tomlin